Is That What You Call Pride?

I am not a loner. People consider me a loner based on my after work activities- or lack of. When I get to that place I call home after work, I grab something to eat from the kitchen on my way to my bedroom upstairs. I get to my room and watch TV until I go to sleep. On average, I spend about 6 hours without talking to anyone, except via mobile chats. This excludes the 8 hours spent at work where I probably do enough share of talking per day.  I get my food as I walk in because my TV shows have started already by the time I get home and would probably go on until 21:30; I kid you not.

So while you still wondering what's so special about these TV shows, let me relieve you and tell you the truth-  I learn from them. Like last night I got to learn what Open Relationships really are on Intersexions. By the way, I do not have DSTV so I can't record my shows and watch them later- genius!  Seriously though, they do educate me. When I first saw the term open relationship on Facebook I thought Zuckerberg was just trying to be cool. But that's really a story for another day. The story I would like is to look into today is the story of pride.

Again, I am  going to make reference to one of my favourite TV shows Generations. You know that show that used to be a Soapie in the 90's but is now referred to as Drama but somehow still makes its way to the Soapie Awards?  Most of you have or still do watch it, which makes no difference really because you still read about it on social networks from posts by proud fans like me. Speaking of being proud, let’s look at the character Dineo Dikobe-Thlaole-Dlomo. She desperately needs a baby to save her marriage. Hey marriage though! So she claims that she is willing to do whatever it takes to fall pregnant. Yet, she refuses to go see the herbalist her proud mother recommended to her. Now get this right- she uses the medication her mother brings from this herbalist. But she just cannot be seen going in there herself. No doubt in most viewers’ eyes her pride seems to be superseding her commitment into getting herself knocked up “against all odds”.

Just to bring some clarity, pride probably has more than two faces but the most common that we are familiar with Is that of pride as an emotion. You know, that feeling of exhilaration you get when you walk up Jammie stairs on your graduation day- that’s pride. Then there’s also the “who am I” kind of pride often associated with those people who have  high opinions of themselves. This is the form some social psychologists identify as linked to a signal of high social status. Enough about the theory. Back to our case study, reality is by virtue of this lady using the medication we can safely say she has nothing against herbalist and would probably go to the herbalist if his/her premises had a boutique kind of look somewhere in Melrose Arch or Sandton Square.  But unfortunately,  it happens to be in Soweto and you know how paparazzi deals.

Pride is a tricky thing I get it, but I feel like sometimes we often just hide behind it when we are in fact imprisoned by our fears.  If I can make a simple example, you are a guy and would like to invite a girl on a date, would you ever consider KFC?  And as a girl, if a boy you like invited you to KFC on your first date, would you proudly dress up, put on make–up, update your Facebook or BBM status and be there?... Didn’t think so too!  Yet you know you  love Kentucky fried chicken and would likely make a stop there for satisfaction on your way from your date in that fancy restaurant.  So on the guy’s side we can say he fears that he may be seen as coming across as very cheap. While the girl on the one side fears what her friends might make of this guy long term in the relationship. Once again it boils down to fear. You miss a potentially good opportunity for a nice conversation free from the restaurant music which is sometimes loud.

As a serial TV watcher that I am, I also managed to catch the show "Against All Odds” last night. It was very inspiring to hear stories of people who were once queue marshals at taxi ranks and some selling sweets and chips by the roadside but now own companies that has stake in JSE listed companies, while the other is an internationally recognised Jewellery Designers, respectively. The difference between you and them is that while you sat down there at the bottom of the stair saying  “I won’t do it” they slowly took steps up the stairs and they did it! 

Musicians face rejection everyday but they keep going until they establish their target market. I am currently reading Maya  Angelou’s first book  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings . In her Acknowledgements she says she would like to thank John Killens who told  her she could write, Nana Kobina who insisted that she must, and Gerald Purcell who believed concretely… “Look at her now”!!! 

Without saying any further, let me just say it’s Time 2 Call It Quits! again, stop sitting at the bottom of the stairs, stop hiding behind pride and face your fears. You will thank me one day.