Wake-up Call

Today I am going to share Miranda's story- obviously Miranda is not her real name. Miranda is a lady I met on the train a couple of times. Fortunately or unfortunately I happen to be that person random strangers just find it easy to open up to. So the same happened in Miranda's situation. She started by complementing me on my hair and wanted to know where I do it, which I found a bit odd considering she has no dreadlocks, but I answered anyway. In no time, Miranda was off-loading her marriage issues onto me. It was a bit awkward considering the age difference between me and her, plus I am not even qualified to give advice on that department. Anyway, who said I needed to give any, I could just listen; maybe I will learn one or two things. Yah that's what you get for looking a bit mature for your age. Considering that I would be a year older in less than a month anyway- will be turning 21 (again), I did the grownup thing and listened like I gave a dime.

To cut the story short, she told me that she dated a married man who at some point promised to get a divorce and marry her. My mind quickly went into a judgmental state, "and you fell for that!?" -I thought. Anyway to my disappointment I later found out in the story that they actually did get married- my bad! Mistresses do get their happily-ever-after after all.

Longest train journey of my life, I tell you! Didn't I just fill the blanks in the story to find that the wife had actually died? But I just had to confirm " so the wife died?" I asked. Using my television detective tactics combined with what I learnt in my sociology studies (yes I studied that too- long story), I closely observed the expression on her face as she uttered her sheeply "Ye-e...yes"  So, basically he never really got the divorce, I cannot say I am surprised. So there I am with all these thoughts racing in my mind thinking if I ask how she died it might be a long story and we might get to the destination before she finishes it. So do I just go straight to the point and ask if she killed her? Obviously she is still talking while my mind is busy playing tricks on me. So when my attention drifted back to her, she was telling me about how the husband is siding with her stepchildren who are putting a strain on their marriage.

She told me stories of unnecessary things she did for these kids who are in their early teens and how they have been ungrateful and how they keep throwing those things right back at her face. All I could think was " Oh! women, you have been really 'gatkruip-ing'". At present, she was particularly upset about a sweet sixteen that she organised for the stepdaughter and she didn't even show up for it. The dad had told her that the daughter wants to celebrate with her close friends, nothing big, but she went to the bank, got a loan and threw a marvellous sour sixteen. So the daughter stood by her word and went to  play with her friends. Now Miranda is in debt and the husband is out of a job and to say the children are not fond of her is just an understatement. So with all the tension she suggested living apart for a while to ease the tension at which the husband gladly agreed to. She however did not move out as she got suspicious that the husband would get up to no good in her absence, so she did not move out. So the husband got tired of the wait (my words, not hers) and started sleeping out. She confronted him and demanded answers and all the husband could say was " Did it ever bother you when I slept at your place before you moved in?"

With that in mind, I just could not stop wondering what she was still doing in that crisis. She has no kid, dog or cat. She has a job and boobs which I believe is more than what she needs to get herself out there and start building something of herself than what she is currently settling for- not judging her, just saying. Almost all things on earth reach their sell-by dates at some point and we still push past the best before date only to realise that it was really not worth it at the end. This does not apply to marriage and relationships only. It applies to friendships, work and  religious life. Think of that parasitic friend who only thinks of you when he needs something and you never hear from him again until he bites dust again; Think of that guy who has been working for the company for 18 years and has watched everyone get promoted and his turn never comes. As hard as it is, I think we need to learn to stop trying to fix people and accept that we outgrow each other at some point in time.  It's okay to outgrow your friends, it's not your fault that they are not growing. But if you choose to limit your own growth at the expense of protecting their feelings, that's on you. But if you asked me...I'd tell you it's Time 2 Call It Quits!