Stop Expecting

  

I thought I should add a personal touch this week and share my story- just so we can to know each other better; how do you like the sound of that? So here is my story: I recently joined WhatsApp- thanks to the genius who raised alarm bells to the service providers about how much money they were losing through the unlimited supply of data for only R60 per month that came with BIS. Well, too be fair we still have BBM at R59 per month with the BAS, but unfortunately some inglorious mugger decided to take my best friend’s blackberry and I was with no choice but to join the WhatsApp revolution.  So as a newbie on WhatsApp, one day I decided to just go through my contacts to see who is who in the zoo and I happened to come across this picture:

BIS and BAS stand for Blackberry Internet Service and Blackberry Absolute Service respectively; not common sense huh? Anyway to say the least, the picture didn't have much significance at that moment but I decided to save it anyway because that is something I do. I am not sure why I do it though, apart from thinking that they might come in handy one day. I guess it's just instinct. Yes, let's call it that. Anyway, I saved it and forgot about it until last Sunday. Let’s just say I had too much expectations Sunday, and they were not necessarily high expectation- but none were met. First I went to church and I was very excited we finally have a nice big venue after months of uncertainty and hardship.  Oh well, it turned out big is not always good as i could barely hear anything with the echo in that venue. As expected, after hopeless attempts to actively focus on what was happening, the mind just ends up racing all over God knows what. 

Anyway, I went to Mzoli’s afterwards thinking my day was about to get better. I was happy to be with my chommas and was looking forward to the meat too until I saw the queue to the butchery. You would swear it was teenagers queuing to get Justin Bieber's autograph on their parts. Fortunately, my chommas are well connected so they made it to the cashier within 15 minutes and I thought to myself in no longer than an hour I will be sinking my teeth in that sticky marinated tender steak. Oh well, expectation is one thing and reality is a totally different thing. Four hours later, there was neither meat, nor a place to sit. So I decided to practice what I preach and called it quits! 

I was upset. As I was driving home I found myself deep in the conversation of why small and medium-sized enterprises fail. I won't bore you with the details of that conversation but to say the least, I gave them a zero on customer service- they operate on a take it you or leave it system. Well, that is just my opinion. So, shortly after I got to that place I call ‘home’ (for now) I got a message from my friend telling me about a UCT Confessions page that seems to be a hit. So I went like “What! Isn't that something for small institutions like them WSUs and Varsity College?"  I am the kind of person who likes putting things into context. As a result by the time I went to take a look at it, I already knew what I was going to find there- big mistake! Once again, I found myself disappointed and I had no one to blame but myself for the expectations I created all by myself. I mean, as I browsed through it I couldn't help but keep inserting the words "Dear Sis Dolly" before each "confession".

As I went through the events of the day in my head later on, I realized there was only one constant in all these scenarios that  ended in disappointments and that was my expectations. Had I stopped expecting and just went with the flow (which is quite a challenge for me); I would have saved myself from all this emotional turmoil. So I decided to take that note in the picture there a little bit personal and started a new chapter of not expecting. It sounds really simple; if someone offends you, do not expect them to apologise otherwise you might grow grey hair waiting. Like Jesus did, just ask God to forgive them (or in my case, just write them off) and move on. If you like someone, do not expect them to like you back- it's just not fair. Let’s face it now; you too do not like everyone who likes you. Share your problems with people because you find it therapeutic, but do not expect them to solve them for you or give advice because the reality is, for as long as they are not part of the equation, the solution will always look simpler on their eyes. Trust me o this one; but do not expect me to be not wrong. 

Get Your Priorities Right!

There has been too much negative energy around me the past couple of weeks. So much such that my brain found it hard to channel inspiring thoughts that I would happily share with you. So, I took a decision not to post this week, until one of my colleagues whom I now call ‘Coach’ told me that he visited the blog and could not find my new post. So I said to him “No, I can't write today, I don't want to lose my job”. So he interpreted that as me saying I cannot be working on my blog during work hours, but what I really meant was the topic that I have in mind is quite “political” and I am worried I might get into trouble if I post it. So he insisted on hearing what it might be about and when it comes to telling stories, I am not the kind that kisses and does not tell- I mean what’s the point if I am going to keep it all to myself? I share for the benefit of those who do not get so they can at least feed their imagination- Oops! I’m getting a little carried away now, am I not?

Anyway, back to the story….apologies for the pinch of sugar that I am going to add, but it’s for the best. Yes, I used that line which usually means the opposite. Don't worry; I am going to get to the story eventually. The story unfortunately is not rosy as I have mentioned that I have been channelling some negative energy lately. I mean, who wouldn't when we have people carrying poop buckets at the heart of the city at day time? So, as the person who doesn't like complaining I found myself asking if I was a mayor of any city what would I have done differently? Then it occurred to me that I actually have no idea what a mayor’s job entails. I know what you thinking, I am not ignorant, I am just very selective about the things I concern myself with- and politics do not feature in my list.  

To cut the story short, apart from the service delivery story we all know about, there are also things like ribbon cutting and spreading and spreading the IDP evangelism. You know what IDP is mos- the whole Safe City and Inclusive city business. Now that we talking about being "inclusive" it just makes me wonder who exactly does it apply to when we have groups labelled as "thugs"....just thinking. I wonder if those people have any place in the  "inclusive" city.   Anyway, my general assumption when I saw the ribbon cutting part as one of the roles  was that it probably applies to occasion like opening of new schools, clinics or rehab centres, things that really matter in the community so to say. At least those are the occasions where I would see mayors on TV with scissors, a bottle of champagne and a huge smile- that is the glamorous side of the job, especially if you are the kind of person who likes watching themselves on TV. Juggling public relations and service delivery however may be a tricky business- again, especially if you are the kind of person who likes watching themselves on TV. So this brings us to one thing-Prioritisation.

Getting your priorities right from the beginning really makes all the difference. Let me give you a simple example, if you were a mayor and you got an invitation to go and cut a ribbon because the first ever branch of Burger King in the province is being opened in Bloemfontein and you also get a complaint about poop buckets that have not been collected for months in Hennenman, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? “Let me phone my hairdresser and make an appointment, I can’t be seen on TV with this hair…the range rover will make a good impression…which cousin must I take with me this time” You get the picture! So this thing we call prioritisation is what speaks sense to you when all your mind is concerned about are petty issues like looking nice for the media. Prioritisation is what tells you to snap out of your selfishness and think of the effects of living with poop at your doorstep and smelling it in your kitchen. Hence, I will now conclude by saying if i was a mayor of any city, prioritisation would be my focal point... What do you think? Oh! one more thing, i would probably stick to "no comment" when confronted by the media until i get hold of my speech writer- it's called damage control. 

Is That What You Call Pride?

I am not a loner. People consider me a loner based on my after work activities- or lack of. When I get to that place I call home after work, I grab something to eat from the kitchen on my way to my bedroom upstairs. I get to my room and watch TV until I go to sleep. On average, I spend about 6 hours without talking to anyone, except via mobile chats. This excludes the 8 hours spent at work where I probably do enough share of talking per day.  I get my food as I walk in because my TV shows have started already by the time I get home and would probably go on until 21:30; I kid you not.

So while you still wondering what's so special about these TV shows, let me relieve you and tell you the truth-  I learn from them. Like last night I got to learn what Open Relationships really are on Intersexions. By the way, I do not have DSTV so I can't record my shows and watch them later- genius!  Seriously though, they do educate me. When I first saw the term open relationship on Facebook I thought Zuckerberg was just trying to be cool. But that's really a story for another day. The story I would like is to look into today is the story of pride.

Again, I am  going to make reference to one of my favourite TV shows Generations. You know that show that used to be a Soapie in the 90's but is now referred to as Drama but somehow still makes its way to the Soapie Awards?  Most of you have or still do watch it, which makes no difference really because you still read about it on social networks from posts by proud fans like me. Speaking of being proud, let’s look at the character Dineo Dikobe-Thlaole-Dlomo. She desperately needs a baby to save her marriage. Hey marriage though! So she claims that she is willing to do whatever it takes to fall pregnant. Yet, she refuses to go see the herbalist her proud mother recommended to her. Now get this right- she uses the medication her mother brings from this herbalist. But she just cannot be seen going in there herself. No doubt in most viewers’ eyes her pride seems to be superseding her commitment into getting herself knocked up “against all odds”.

Just to bring some clarity, pride probably has more than two faces but the most common that we are familiar with Is that of pride as an emotion. You know, that feeling of exhilaration you get when you walk up Jammie stairs on your graduation day- that’s pride. Then there’s also the “who am I” kind of pride often associated with those people who have  high opinions of themselves. This is the form some social psychologists identify as linked to a signal of high social status. Enough about the theory. Back to our case study, reality is by virtue of this lady using the medication we can safely say she has nothing against herbalist and would probably go to the herbalist if his/her premises had a boutique kind of look somewhere in Melrose Arch or Sandton Square.  But unfortunately,  it happens to be in Soweto and you know how paparazzi deals.

Pride is a tricky thing I get it, but I feel like sometimes we often just hide behind it when we are in fact imprisoned by our fears.  If I can make a simple example, you are a guy and would like to invite a girl on a date, would you ever consider KFC?  And as a girl, if a boy you like invited you to KFC on your first date, would you proudly dress up, put on make–up, update your Facebook or BBM status and be there?... Didn’t think so too!  Yet you know you  love Kentucky fried chicken and would likely make a stop there for satisfaction on your way from your date in that fancy restaurant.  So on the guy’s side we can say he fears that he may be seen as coming across as very cheap. While the girl on the one side fears what her friends might make of this guy long term in the relationship. Once again it boils down to fear. You miss a potentially good opportunity for a nice conversation free from the restaurant music which is sometimes loud.

As a serial TV watcher that I am, I also managed to catch the show "Against All Odds” last night. It was very inspiring to hear stories of people who were once queue marshals at taxi ranks and some selling sweets and chips by the roadside but now own companies that has stake in JSE listed companies, while the other is an internationally recognised Jewellery Designers, respectively. The difference between you and them is that while you sat down there at the bottom of the stair saying  “I won’t do it” they slowly took steps up the stairs and they did it! 

Musicians face rejection everyday but they keep going until they establish their target market. I am currently reading Maya  Angelou’s first book  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings . In her Acknowledgements she says she would like to thank John Killens who told  her she could write, Nana Kobina who insisted that she must, and Gerald Purcell who believed concretely… “Look at her now”!!! 

Without saying any further, let me just say it’s Time 2 Call It Quits! again, stop sitting at the bottom of the stairs, stop hiding behind pride and face your fears. You will thank me one day.