Wake-up Call

Today I am going to share Miranda's story- obviously Miranda is not her real name. Miranda is a lady I met on the train a couple of times. Fortunately or unfortunately I happen to be that person random strangers just find it easy to open up to. So the same happened in Miranda's situation. She started by complementing me on my hair and wanted to know where I do it, which I found a bit odd considering she has no dreadlocks, but I answered anyway. In no time, Miranda was off-loading her marriage issues onto me. It was a bit awkward considering the age difference between me and her, plus I am not even qualified to give advice on that department. Anyway, who said I needed to give any, I could just listen; maybe I will learn one or two things. Yah that's what you get for looking a bit mature for your age. Considering that I would be a year older in less than a month anyway- will be turning 21 (again), I did the grownup thing and listened like I gave a dime.

To cut the story short, she told me that she dated a married man who at some point promised to get a divorce and marry her. My mind quickly went into a judgmental state, "and you fell for that!?" -I thought. Anyway to my disappointment I later found out in the story that they actually did get married- my bad! Mistresses do get their happily-ever-after after all.

Longest train journey of my life, I tell you! Didn't I just fill the blanks in the story to find that the wife had actually died? But I just had to confirm " so the wife died?" I asked. Using my television detective tactics combined with what I learnt in my sociology studies (yes I studied that too- long story), I closely observed the expression on her face as she uttered her sheeply "Ye-e...yes"  So, basically he never really got the divorce, I cannot say I am surprised. So there I am with all these thoughts racing in my mind thinking if I ask how she died it might be a long story and we might get to the destination before she finishes it. So do I just go straight to the point and ask if she killed her? Obviously she is still talking while my mind is busy playing tricks on me. So when my attention drifted back to her, she was telling me about how the husband is siding with her stepchildren who are putting a strain on their marriage.

She told me stories of unnecessary things she did for these kids who are in their early teens and how they have been ungrateful and how they keep throwing those things right back at her face. All I could think was " Oh! women, you have been really 'gatkruip-ing'". At present, she was particularly upset about a sweet sixteen that she organised for the stepdaughter and she didn't even show up for it. The dad had told her that the daughter wants to celebrate with her close friends, nothing big, but she went to the bank, got a loan and threw a marvellous sour sixteen. So the daughter stood by her word and went to  play with her friends. Now Miranda is in debt and the husband is out of a job and to say the children are not fond of her is just an understatement. So with all the tension she suggested living apart for a while to ease the tension at which the husband gladly agreed to. She however did not move out as she got suspicious that the husband would get up to no good in her absence, so she did not move out. So the husband got tired of the wait (my words, not hers) and started sleeping out. She confronted him and demanded answers and all the husband could say was " Did it ever bother you when I slept at your place before you moved in?"

With that in mind, I just could not stop wondering what she was still doing in that crisis. She has no kid, dog or cat. She has a job and boobs which I believe is more than what she needs to get herself out there and start building something of herself than what she is currently settling for- not judging her, just saying. Almost all things on earth reach their sell-by dates at some point and we still push past the best before date only to realise that it was really not worth it at the end. This does not apply to marriage and relationships only. It applies to friendships, work and  religious life. Think of that parasitic friend who only thinks of you when he needs something and you never hear from him again until he bites dust again; Think of that guy who has been working for the company for 18 years and has watched everyone get promoted and his turn never comes. As hard as it is, I think we need to learn to stop trying to fix people and accept that we outgrow each other at some point in time.  It's okay to outgrow your friends, it's not your fault that they are not growing. But if you choose to limit your own growth at the expense of protecting their feelings, that's on you. But if you asked me...I'd tell you it's Time 2 Call It Quits!

What will you be remembered for?

In the light of the sad passing of our legendary Vuyo Mbuli, I have come to realise how lightly we take life. We wake up on a Monday morning and whine and groan about how short Sunday night was and how quick the weekend went by. We live life like we are entitled to it. It’s almost like we have no sense of gratitude at all! Day in, day out, we complain about how we are not making enough money, how the waiter took forever before he could bring our food, how the petrol prices keep going up and so on…and so on. You are alive!!! Do you have any idea what a privilege that is?

You know what? Next time you feel like moaning and groaning about such petty issue, just tell yourself to get a grip, you are alive!!! The scary part is, you have no idea how long it may stay like that. That on its own is a reason why you need to stop wasting time whining and groaning. Just get up and do something meaningful with your life. You have seen and heard the beautiful things people had to say about Vuyo. He did not just show up at work on time to deliver news and then go wait for his paycheck at the end of the month, which is more than I can I say for most of us. But he reached out and touched so many people’s lives and he was probably not even aware of it. He filled our mornings with warmth and laughter. His, was a life well-lived. 

While you were reading about all the beautiful things people said, did you at least for a moment wonder what you would be remembered for if you were not to see the light tomorrow? I believe each and one of us has their unique gift. Some of us have realised our gifts but we keep postponing them for seasons that never come. Newsflash!!!...You live on borrowed time. Stop making excuses and just get on with it. While you're are at it, remember to let the chef in the kitchen cherish his gift by preparing each meal like it’s his last, or else stay at home and eat 2 minute noodles. It really is that simple. 

Bad Habits

Nail biting, spitting (on the pavement), burping out loud and talking while your mouth is full are just a few of the many bad habits that people find gross. Then we have the socially acceptable habits like the tendency to pass on information people shared with you in confidence, which we justify by saying the person ‘has no chest’. Then we have the other kind that just open their mouth and push, and we always justify their lack of sensitivity for those around them by saying they ‘have no filter’. I am sure you can already think of a few people who fall in these categories within your circle of friends and family members. While you may agree with me that the so-called socially acceptable habits tend to have much lasting negative impacts compared to the effects of someone who just takes pleasure in biting their own nails- I mean, they are only feeding themselves gems- that are all. Whether they stop or continue doing so does not really add or subtract a single day on any person's life, except theirs.

Okay, now that I have your attention, let’s go back to that friend who ‘has no filter’. Let’s say this friend happens to be a teacher…hypothetical speaking. So he is surrounded by kids all day, five days a week. Obviously, they have different learning abilities and our friend happens to be not the least patient of teachers. So, when he wants to move on with the lesson while those children with less advanced abilities have not yet grasped what he has been going on about for the past 20 minutes, he tends to snap and use words like ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb’. According to him, what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom, right? But, the reality is, we, as the society end up raising a low self-esteem child who believes they are stupid because a teacher who also happens to be a well-respected member of the community or religious domination told them so.  Do you get the picture I am trying to paint here? The emotional and psychological effects of ‘not filtering’ before saying or doing something go further than we can possibly imagine. The sad part of this is that, while nails may grow back after biting them, you may never take back the words once they have left your tongue.

Having said that, my plea to you today is that is about time you stopped encouraging these bad habits. Stop laughing when your friend says the most insensitive thing you have ever heard to a stranger. Stop encouraging rude behaviour! Just stop it. By all means do stick up for your friends when someone steps on their toes, but dare not to stoop to that person’s level. Yes, you can’t change the world, but you sure can play your role- no matter how little. This might seem like a minor thing when you look at it with the “people offend people every day” mentality…who cares?  But what we are missing about habits is that they are a key foundation of addiction. Think of a simple example like gambling. It starts as something one does for fun, or to ‘pass time’ as some people like to say. It is okay in this stage because you are doing it consciously and therefore have control over it. So let’s say you happen to win most of the time and that encourages you to keep going back to the casino until you get to a point where going back there becomes an unconscious routine- which is basically what a habit is. Then with time, you get to a point where going back there is all you ever looking forward to, all day. A point where you actually call-in sick for work because you want to go gambling; a point where you stop worrying about anything else as long as you have money for gambling every single day. 

Habits friends, if not paid attention to while they are still on their early stages can lead you to a dead end- literally. It’s about time we called  It Quits! on supporting this kind of destructive behaviour friends. I am sure your friend  cannot be angry at you forever for telling him/her that " Friend, i understand that you believe you have a potential to be a good comedian one day, but you gotta stop making fun of people when we walking on the streets, okay?" If you do not have guts to say this, just think of how your life would be if your friends got addicted into mocking people. You would find them toxic and probably have to think thrice before inviting them to social gatherings with the rest of your ‘normal’ friends. Let’s face it; no one wants to feel  uncomfortable in their own territory.  

On that note, I will leave you to do an introspection and think of those habits that you are personally guilty of.  You are welcome to share them with us here, maybe we can find people who can relate and will hopefully shed some insight on how you can deal with them…until next Wednesday…xxo-P.                                                   

Welcome to Time 2 Call It Quits!

Let me introduce you to my blog...

We often hear people say "hang in there"..."do not quit"...."things will get better"..."there is always light at the end of the tunnel"...and so on and so on...you get the picture? My question to you is...how many times have you sat down and thought to yourself ' had i threw in the towel right there at that moment, i would be better off right now'  or ' i wish i had stopped sooner'? 

We live in a society that associates the act of 'quitting' with failure, when it is in fact a decision to walk away from a catastrophic situation. Time 2 Call It Quits is a platform dedicated to letting you know that you do not have to stay there. It is okay to throw in the towel! However, the challenge that still remains with accepting that it is okay to quit, is knowing the right time to do it. Having said that, my hope with Time 2 Call It Quits is for us to help each other identify those moments where we can say it is now Time 2 Call It Quits! 

I am going to dedicate my time into posting real life stories from friends, colleagues, acquaintances and strangers i meet on the streets, and we are all going to share our views on whether the situations are worthy enduring or whether it is Time to take the step of bravery and walk away or to help a friend walk away whilst they still can.